i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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