my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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