my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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