White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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