it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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