just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
