I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
