so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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