thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
