@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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