I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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