So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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