I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
