After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
