Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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