RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Panties = found
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
