If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
