i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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