wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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