Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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