You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
