College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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