If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
