I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
