Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
