I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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