She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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