So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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