Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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