wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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