Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize