You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
