She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize