A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
