help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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