What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
then he tried to convert me to islam
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
