Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
