He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
