Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
