if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
