she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
