i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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