I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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