there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
