We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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