If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
