Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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