successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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