I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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