grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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