Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
