If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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