i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think a kid would responsible me up
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
