I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
