from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
