I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
