It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
