After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
