that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
