Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
