He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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