Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
