Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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