Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
