I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
