He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
