My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
