Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
