i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
