the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
