Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
