I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
