nut hugger
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
