she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
