I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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