what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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